Over-clubbed

Martin Clarke, The Scotsman, 31 October 2000

Some of my best friends are golfers, they really are, but there’s something deeply spooky about them. Not content with spending their days whacking a wee white ball around the countryside with big sticks, they want everyone else to do it too.

They’re a bit like the Borg in Star Trek who rampage round the Galaxy assimilating everyone in their path into more mindless zombies for their totalitarian collective. And resistance, it would appear, is indeed futile. Their latest coup in the ongoing battle to turn the country into one big golf course is to persuade the government to spend £29 million on teaching every kid in Scotland to play the game - whether they want to or not. I’m a bit unclear on the economic benefits of this state-sponsored campaign of mass indoctrination, except to the owners of golf courses. I also suspect the police round my way might be rather wary of arming the local youth with nine irons.

But it’s apparently all part of a government masterplan to land the Ryder Cup for Scotland in 2009. The sport’s leaders are dismayed and embarrassed that only 12 per cent of Scots play golf in the country that invented it. Really? In that case I wish somebody would introduce me to some of the other 88 per cent.

Vision!

R J Ritchie, Letter to Editor, The Scotsman, 31 October 2000

At last! After a hesitant and stumbling beginning, we now have a vision for Scotland commensurate with the hopes and expectations invested in our parliament. The Scottish Executive has announced (your report, 27 October) that every child under nine in our brave, new devolved nation will have the opportunity to play a round of golf!