Poor Colin - nobody told him he'd have to share the limelight

Ecosse, The Sunday Times, 8 October 2006

If you want to play golf with Colin Montgomerie, you'd better take the game seriously. The Ryder Cup winner had a hissy fit when he failed to prevent celebrity golfers - poxy amateurs that they are - from taking part in the final day of the pro-celebrity part of the Dunhill Links Championship at St Andrews.

Naturally, a big name such as Colin shouldn't have to tolerate time-wasters and no-hopers, but if you don't like playing with amateurs, there's a clue in the title, Colin. There's no getting away from the celebrities; they're part of the deal. Indeed, for some philistines, they're the main attraction. It's not all about you, you know.

But it's Michael Douglas, Colin's partner for the past two years, that I feel sorry for. According to a sniffy Montgomerie, Douglas spent last year's competition "trying to keep out of the way." And no wonder, with Captain Sunshine sighing and tutting every time he went near the tee.

Pro-am isn't just about golf; it's about seeing stars close up. Bill Murray might not be the best golfer in the world, but at least he's a great actor. What's your excuse, Colin?